Cocaine is my drug of choice. It has taken me to the worst places of the world. Spiritually, physically, and mentally, It started so easy just a few lines once in a great while like at a party or a club. But after a couple of years, the snowball effect came into play.
I was a widow at 20, left with two very small children. I received a very large check monthly. I started to use the 1st of every month. Within six months, I was using everyday, at least 8 balls. That?s not counting the weekends which I was spending at least $370-$430. Of course, I had to turn to crime to pay for the habit. Even selling my children?s play stations and CDs.
When Birthday?s and Christmas came, my kids would get cards filled with money. I would empty the cards and keep the money, just giving them the empty cards. The harm I did to myself is easy to deal with. It is hard to deal with the fact that I robbed from strangers and the unbelievable pain I caused my children. I?ve never forget the pain in their eyes and the hate in their voice from all the awful things their mother did to them and others.
Now, I have forgiven myself, as have my children, thanks to NA and my sobriety.
